Raise Inclusive Kids Introduction PART 2

*Disclaimer*

I’m doing my best to capture what it looks like to raise inclusive kids. While my original draft deadline has come and gone, I’ve decided to start sharing pieces of my book here on the blog. You can also find full sections exclusively on my Ko-fi page that you can check out here.

PART 2 of INTRO

Intro to Learning

I have worked within the deafblind community on and off since 2011. It is a very specific disability but with a wide range of hearing and vision. A lot of what I learned when working in the deafblind field is a huge part of how I teach today. One of my favorite visuals I showed to every person in every training was the one below about how kids learn. For typically developing kids, the majority of their learning is incidental. That means, they observe you and understand that that is a “normal” response, or that doing A gets me B. For example, I never taught either of my children how to use the TV remote. However, both of them, younger than the advised recommendation for receiving any screen time, would waddle on over to the remote if we left it at their level and they would push the buttons and point it at the TV.

Another example, when my partner would go upstairs to work in the office, I would give him a quick pat on the butt and say “love you, Bitch.” Why did I say this? I have no idea. I have no idea when this word became a term of endearment for us but here we are. Once my daughter started talking, around 11-13 months she started saying “Bitch.” It was probably one of her first 20 words. This example is very important because this conversation was between me and my partner and it was subtle. I wasn’t yelling it from across the room. My 11-month-old baby, happily eating her oatmeal was still taking in this subtle conversation between me and my partner.

The rest of the table shows the other two types of learning, secondary and direct. Secondary would be me actually showing her the remote, demonstrating where the power button is, and then prompting her to turn it on and off. Hands on would be having her hold the remote and prompting her through the steps but with her in charge of the physical remote the entire time. Lead by example is something to really focus on as an indirect way of learning. Which isn’t something that always comes naturally because we assume children aren’t always listening. Assume they always are.

I am sure you have seen plenty of secondary and direct teachings every time you go to the playground. A parent advising their child to share (don’t worry we talk about sharing) or a parent showing a child how to go down a slide or climb stairs. These types of lessons are way more common because we are thinking about teaching at this moment. Unfortunately, and fortunately, children don’t stop learning because you aren’t talking to them. If anything, the majority of their learning is when you aren’t talking to them.

There are so many great books out there that dive deeply into child development and as an educator/mom, I do not have the credentials to explain how neurons work, but I have worked and observed hundreds of kids with and without disabilities and this chart is the result. Information like this can help you understand where your kid is coming from or learning certain things and it can help you understand other kids’ perspectives. This is also a great time for me to tell you a line I absolutely despise.

“You don’t know what a [specific topic] is?!?”

My best response, that I got from a friend, was “no, would you like to tell me or continue to make me feel bad?”

I know, that sounds a little harsh. But it is a great way to remind someone that we all come from our own backgrounds, we all have random areas we know nothing about, and because of indirect learning, we don’t always get the exact information. For example, my partner and I went to Italy for one of our first big trips together. We were about to go on the tour to a place I kept calling the 16th chapel. It wasn’t until the 10th time I probably said it that Josh looked at me and asked me if I was saying 16th. When he corrected me and told me it is called the Sistine Chapel my mind was blown. Not like the Sistine Chapel came up in conversations a lot, but after looking up tours and being in front of the chapel, you would think at some point I would have noticed what people were saying or what I was reading and in no places did it say 16th chapel. I also used to think unanimous and anonymous were the same word. That definitely left me more than a little confused a handful of times.

These kinds of experiences remind me that I need to ask more questions. Find my own inner child and bring back those curious questions of “what is this” or “why?” In a world where most of us are on social media, figuring out the connection between burnout and boundaries, and battling with imposter syndrome, remind yourself that we are never done learning. Asking questions not only to learn more but to be vulnerable and make it a point that we all can ask questions and not be judged. With infinite information at our fingertips, let’s continue to enjoy the learning all around us. Which leads me to a heavier topic that needs to be discussed when reading an entire book about how to Raise Inclusive Kids.

Read the rest of the introduction on Ko-Fi

Comment below with any thoughts, edits, or experiences you want to share.

Inclusion starts with you and I just want to help.

Kayla Co.